You, like me might have the view that friendly is best when you are trying to get something you want.
It turns out that is wrong.
Being polite and businesslike but firm and clear gets better results.
In a study using CraigsList firm and detached messages got more rejections but were ignored less often and got more and bigger discounts than warm and fuzzy messages.
Whether making a large purchase, working on a joint project, or discussing your promotion, you’ll likely need to negotiate. At a very basic level, in fact, nearly every interaction we have is a negotiation—an opportunity to persuade others to agree to an outcome we want. But what is the best way to go about persuading others? Should you be warmer or tougher? Friendlier or more aloof? Negotiation experts have long thought that that being warm and friendly pays off at the bargaining table, leading us to gain concessions and capture a larger chunk of the value. A recent Harvard Business Review article entitled “How to Negotiate Nicely without Being a Pushover” made this point, as did legendary sports agent Ronald M. Shapiro’s book The Power of Nice: How to Negotiate So Everyone Wins—Especially You! It turns out they are wrong.